You Are Not Alone.
You are not alone.
That’s what I’d say to anyone who is or has faced similar feelings of inadequacy as described below. You are not alone. Yet embrace those feelings, let them wash over you and know that there is a reason for the hurt. Although it may not seem it today, you are being enlightened by your unwanted life experiences and hopeless emotions that will ultimately serve a purpose for you and others.
For as far back as I can remember, I’ve been on the defense. In survival mode. Desperately trying to fit in, out of pure fear of being bullied and laughed at by others. An outsider, misunderstood and rejected or at least not included. With a dangerously high level of insecurity and a severely low level of self-esteem, I always thought I was inadequate. As a child, I said to myself over and over again that I wasn’t smart enough. Didn’t read as well as the other kids and couldn’t comprehend concepts as fast as others could. As I got older, the intelligence insecurities remained, and other ones joined the pity party I was throwing for myself. It’s been a lonely journey and one that has hurt others along the way. When you’re insecure, you lead by being on the defense or doing things out of a deep yearning to belong.
Fast forward to today, I am realizing that intelligence was never the missing component, but rather, it was that severely low level of self-esteem and dangerously high level of insecurity. So, let’s say for a second that my self-esteem is higher today than ever before. Let’s say that I have convinced my insecurities to back off for a while and let me get settled into my newfound sense of security. Now, here I am. A new man, full of self-confidence and self-respect. Looking at myself as a whole human being, full of life experiences, a unique perspective, and an extensive trunk of learnings that could be shared with others. Before, the insecurities would get the best of me, whispering in my ear that I am not good enough. Now, those insecurities have taken a back seat, allowing me to clearly see the path ahead. And perhaps those life experiences and personal learnings could benefit someone, somewhere. A friend sent me the following quote one day when I expressed a feeling of inadequacy. It resonated with me, and I hope it does with you, too.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson
When I made the commitment to write about some of my own emotional struggles over the years, I did so begrudgingly. Not because it’s embarrassing, but because I’m afraid of what kind of lifeforms will take force after I push to publish. But, what is most important is that our personal stories and life experiences are shared with others. Individuals who may feel isolated and alone in the midst of facing an emotional struggle.
You are not alone. You are liberated from fear with an immeasurably high level of potential. Let us soar. Together.
Wherever you are, I’m rooting for you.
– Jeff